A year ago I got my ears pierced, again. It was a really cathartic thing to do in the very early months of grieving and I was thinking about it recently, realising it had been a year. Before I was pregnant, I had a cosmetic surgery on my earlobes after having stretched them as a teenager… It took a few years for the scar tissue to soften and for them to be able to be pierced again, and then I was pregnant and didn’t really mind that I would have to wait. I decided that when I could, I would be them done again.

After my miscarriage I decided to get them done in the New Year (2023 we’re talking) but found out I was pregnant with Astrid! So I happily waited again. A few months after Astrid died I decided in between Christmas and New Year to get them pierced while home for Christmas. I couldn’t think of a more appropriate place than Astrid & Miyu (no link but how could I not). I went with my sisters and I had my ears pierced again.

Not only did it feel like something I was finally able to do but the regular cleaning gave me a little routine in the very gloomy days but it was perfectly manageable and something that gave me a good sense of time passing which I really needed. It also helped me peek into a future a little bit. You can’t change your earrings for a while after you first get them pierced.

So, I just needed to wait it out and then, when I could, on went a beautiful pair of rainbow and gold huggies which I haven’t taken off since! When I saw them I just thought they would be a little bit of colour every day, a little something to look forward to and yet normal enough that perhaps only I knew that. The sense of time passing and having a little countdown really helped. Looking back to how I felt when I had them done compared to when I changed them was really reflective and made me think that maybe I would start to feel better again one day.

Getting my ears pierced again was oddly symbolic, healing and hopeful too. I thought about the fact that I wouldn’t be able to take baby girl to get hers pierced, but somehow getting mine done again was like I was bringing her along. At the same time, it was something just for me, it had no benefit to anyone else or helped my life in any way other than it was something I liked and made me feel a little bit better. If I’ve learnt anything after losing my daughter it is that life is short and the little happy moments are there to be enjoyed when they appear, not questioned.