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Accidental friendship bracelets
A few weeks ago I shared the idea I had with the Honeysuckle support group I attend and the idea seemed to be something that other people liked and felt they might do for their babies, which was nice but unexpected. I also didn’t expect that one of the volunteers who helps at the groups…
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What happens when your Rainbow Baby dies too?
The term ‘Rainbow baby’ used to be one I loved, it represented the beauty that comes after a difficult time and when I first encountered it felt it fit my situation perfectly. I had a first trimester miscarriage and understood that they were common. And, while absolutely heartbreaking I held onto the hope that reassures…
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Back to work
One month back at work. If you had told me ten months ago I would be here I wouldn’t have been able to see it. I am so so so proud of myself for even trying to go back. Doing it, attending the management meetings and working out a plan for the quarter and looking…
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Fragile Confidence
I’ve had a tricky relationship with confidence, it’s always been something that I’ve had when built up by others. I have a huge need for reassurance from others and recognise this and adjust in most things I do. I really felt that being a mother would be something I would be good at. I did…
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How birthing classes taught me how to grieve
If you knew me in pregnancy you knew I was here for all the knowledge, I was obsessed with learning how my body was changing and growing, what that meant for me and my baby and understanding what it was capable of. My mindset became more focused on how our body knows what to do…
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Becoming a mother
Every now and again I allow myself to daydream about what I would be like as a mother. I try not to imagine too many day to day specifics because living through what I desperately want is very painful. Instead, I think about if I would be relaxed or worried about feeding? Would my reading…
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The missing pair of trainers
Father’s Day last year we were well and truly excited for Astrid’s arrival, I was on the home stretch, feeling good and there were lots of smiles all around. There was a big trainer love in our house at the time and I thought for our first Father’s Day a mini me trainer set would…
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Postpartum healing without a baby
I recently met the wonderful Jenni from The PABL Project and have been reflecting on something we spoke about. Jenni shares her skills and experience as a Physiotherapist and Pilates teacher with pregnant and postpartum women. Uniquely, she provides a safe space for women who have experienced pregnancy and baby loss and help them recover…
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Knitting
Something I was so puzzled but also comforted by during Astrid’s time in hospital were the little knitted squares that the nurses placed near her (often on her head in fact). When I was able to see her for the first time, she had one right by her and I was given one too. The…
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Saturday mornings are (still) hard
I had visions of what Saturday mornings would look like as our little family of three. We’re big into breakfast in this house and I imagined us in the kitchen together starting off the weekend with the week behind us. We might pack up the car and bundle up for a trip out. Or we’d…