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Our breastfeeding journey
‘Are you breastfeeding?’ I was asked when paying for breakfast at Alder Hey. ‘Well, expressing’ I answered. to which she said ‘Same thing’ and processed my PICU voucher. I felt very confused in this new identity as a mother, I had just started my breastfeeding journey with a NICU nurse showing me how to clean…
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A variant of unknown significance
Despite being told that genetic testing would hopefully provide us more answers as to why Astrid was so unwell, to me these tests were the end of a long road. There were so many tests done before we got to the genetics stage that I figured this would give us the answers we were looking…
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Visiting the office again
Today I attended our annual company presentation and it was good to hear about the things that have happened over the time I have been on Maternity leave. It was hard because in some ways I wanted everyone to acknowledge why I was off but then on the other hand no one saying anything was…
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Life admin
While it felt so much was out of my control, I figured I could make sense of my own messes. I set out to cancel an old bank account that I set up years ago and didn’t really do anything other than clutter my notifications and shame of moving it on the never-ending-to-do-list. After some…
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The privilege of preparation
I wanted a baby for a long time before Astrid was born. Years of waiting (for various reasons), six months of trying followed by a miscarriage lead me to my pregnancy with Astrid. Consequently, I had the time. I was so ready for pregnancy. I was eating well and exercising regularly, I was even taking…
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Why I am here
Hello, I start writing eight weeks after my daughter was born. I should be knee deep in laundry and desperate for 15 minutes to wash my hair. But, I’m not. Astrid was born unexpectedly unwell and sadly died at nine days old. The grief felt of having a poorly baby who later died is indescribable…